Quack
by missmeyet
Summary: Looks like a wedding, sounds like a wedding, feels like Daniel's wedding but he doesn't remember proposing to anyone ... so who's the bride?


Quack

Disclaimer: None of the characters within are mine, nor do I intend any malicious usage of them (so please don't sue me!!!) Had the characters been mine, some very key things would be different – like my current financial status (trust me, you don't want to sue me) ... 8

Spoilers: The Asgard, the Nox, and the Tok'ra all make short guest appearances, so if you haven't come across them yet, I apologise for ruining the fact of their existence.

NB: This is my first attempt at a SG1 fic, so while constructive criticism is always welcome, please avoid any blasting/flaming tendencies that may bubble to the surface while reading ... thanks muchly!

NBII: Thanks to Mala and Zippy. They know why.

* * *

I blinked my eyes – the sun was suddenly so bright. Where was I again? I glanced around – evidently I was standing in a field ... and the Minoan-style architecture of the buildings in the near distance gave it away. Well, that and the clear demarcation point at the forest to the left – I was definitely standing in the Land of Light.

I pulled at my tie – too tight, as per usual. I really needed to learn ... wait -- A tie? Why the heck was I wearing a tie while off-world? I looked down at myself, and saw ... a suit? Not just any suit, either – this was a gorgeous piece of workmanship! The smooth material seemed to almost shimmer in an iridescent way when I moved my arm closer to my face for a deeper inspection.

"Now don't be glancing at your watch already, Danny-boy! She's not going to be late!" admonished a familiar voice behind me as I turned to see Jack (also in a suit – what...?), trying hard to hold back a grin.

"I ... uh ..." I stammered, trying to force my brain into formulating a coherent sentence in light of the apparent situation. Jack just grinned wider.

"That must be the eloquent charm that bowled her over," he joked good-naturedly as he walked over and slapped me on the shoulder. I just stared at him. "You wouldn't be getting cold feet, now would you, Space Monkey?" he asked.

I looked at him, confusion obviously registering on my face.

"Nah – not my Danny!" he continued brightly. "C'mon, let's go – enough of this wandering off and staring into the great beyond." Jack tightened his grip on my shoulder. "And Sam did say she'd personally kick my butt if you weren't standing at the front of that aisle when they arrived, and this time," he winked conspiratorially, "I get the distinct feeling that she might just be serious."

Okay, now I'm definitely confused. _Sam _wants Jack to make sure that _I_ am at the end of the aisle ... the aisle? What aisle? The only aisle that I could think of which would require a suit like this would be ... nah. Me and Sam? She's like the sister I never had. Not that she's not attractive ... in an 'I could so kick your butt with one hand tied behind my back without even breaking a sweat' kind of way. And I do have to admit that she cleans up pretty nice ... but then there's always the fact that _Jack_ would be the one kicking my butt then, not driving me steadily toward what looks suspiciously like ... nah. Can't be. Can it?

While I was contemplating the surreality of the implications of Jack's comment, he had steered me towards a clearing. I quickly took stock of my surroundings – rows of white wooden chairs, set up with a wide centre aisle. At the back end of the aisle stood a white trellis, intertwined with ivy. At the top end stood a pulpit – wait, a pulpit??? In front stood a stoic Teal'c, speaking with his son, Ry'ac. Both were dressed in suits (again, suits?), and Ry'ac was carrying a plush purple velvet pillow. He ran down the aisle to Jack and I, a wide smile on his face.

"I would like to thank you again for this opportunity to be a part of your Tauri ceremony, Dr. Jackson." Ry'ac smiled with obvious pride. "...and I assure you that I still have possession of the rings, as is my sacred duty!"

My mouth went dry. That old adage about a duck went waddling through my mind (a fast waddle, mind you) ... looks like a wedding, sounds like _my_ wedding, so is most likely ... I realized Ry'ac was still looking up at me, expectantly.

"Uh, thank you, Ry'ac. I know they will be safe with you." I blurted out the first semi-edited sentiment that came to my mind. Somehow I doubted that "what the hell is going on here?" would have gone over quiet as well, as much as that particular set of words were rebounding in my brain.

My musings were interrupted by the swirling of the Stargate, chevrons locking into place.

"Ah," said Jack, "and now the guests begin to arrive!" I looked at Jack, he looked at me -- obviously making a decision, probably about my lack of immediate coherence towards the situation at hand. "Yep, time to hide you away again – can't have you seeing the blushing bride before the right time!" Jack grabbed my shoulder again and aimed us towards a nearby building.

Bride??? He _definitely_ said bride ... dum, dum, da, dum. But who down the aisle will come? Okay, that was bad, even for me... although now I'm starting to get worried... maybe this is all a joke ... or a really, really obscure celebration/ceremony for some foreign dignitaries ... yeah. Or not. Looks like a wedding, sounds like a wedding ... sigh. I know I can be a tad scatter-brained at times, but I'm almost positive I would remember something minor like a proposal and acceptance ... wouldn't I?

"Teal'c," Jack called over his shoulder, "when the girls are ready ..."

"...I will gladly retrieve you and DanielJackson," Teal'c finished.

Jack nodded in satisfaction. As he steered me towards the building, I wondered how I could needle some information (like who I was apparently marrying, for one, although who the heck was behind this practical joke – hoping seriously that it _was_ just an out-there practical joke – was running a close second) without sounding like a complete idiot. As Jack pushed open the door, I realised that my brilliant mind was drawing a complete blank. (dammitalltohell!)

About an hour had passed since Jack had whisked me away to this building. We had done the small-talk thing, played cards, he'd even tried to ask me a scholarly-type question or two and then feigned interest in my response, but my mind wasn't all there. I was still stumped. I had run through so many different scenarios to explain what was apparently going on ... and dismissed them just as quickly. It wasn't April Fool's, Ste. Baptiste's, Hallowe'en, the designated Pick-on-Daniel Day ... I knew more religious holidays and festivals than the rest of the team combined, and could not fathom a single one which would fit the current events. I had to admit it – I was simply stumped. I moved over to the window and looked down at the field where the ceremony was to take place.

"Look, I get that you're nervous, Danny-boy." Jack started. I jumped, not having heard him walk up beside me. "Marriage is a big thing, especially when the bride in question is able to strike fear in the hearts of her team-mates with a single look ..." he chuckled fondly. "I still say you are a braver man than most – or suicidal," Jack looked sharply at me. "Now, don't get me wrong Daniel -- considering how many times you have died over the past however many years, I'm not thinking that you do this dying thing on purpose, per say ... and you _do_ keep coming back for more ... kind of understanding that though, considering what you have to come back to ..." Jack nodded towards the field and smiled.

I, on the other hand, was still caught up on the "strike-fear-in-a-single-glance" comment, and trying to picture Sam in that role. I decided she could fit, having heard from Jack how many levels her hand-to-hand combat skills increased when she was really upset. That being thought, however, I was still having issues with me and Sam as a romantic couple in the first place, or more importantly, with Jack _not_ having issues with me and Sam ... I realized that Jack had continued his version of a moral-boosting speech, and tuned back in.

"Hey, I'm proud that you finally took the plunge and asked her --" he looked at me, "and I'm both proud and honoured to stand beside you up there, buddy," he finished.

I started – "You are?" I blurted out.

Jack looked at me with an odd expression on his face. "Of course I am! Wouldn't for anyone else, mind you – I'd probably kick their butt ... or better yet, sit back and enjoy watching her do it!" He leaned over and punched me in the shoulder.

Dammit Jack, "her" who??? If you really are happy to be my best man, I _can't_ be marrying – Sam ... right? Although she could easily kick my butt ... and you'd probably get a ring-side seat for that one ... oh gods! Well, as Sherlock Holmes put it, if you eliminate all the possibilities, the only solution left is the impossible. Or something along those lines. Therefore, I must be marrying Sam. Yeah. We can go with that. Or get our butt kicked. Right. Great options there. Sigh.

"Ah well. Actually, I am really happy for the two of you. You're good for each other, and I know you'll take great care of her, just like she's done for you." Jack was starting to get a tad teary-eyed. I looked at him expectantly, hoping he would continue (and let something slip – like confirming who my bride-to-be was, because I was still having issues with marrying Sam...). Jack did not disappoint, as usual. "If it couldn't be me up there, the only guy I'd support would be you, Danny-boy."

Whoa – okay, I'll take that as a ringing endorsement then. If it _couldn't _be him – well, of course it couldn't be him – stupid regulations and all. Okay, so it is Sam then, and Jack is supporting me because ... he's going to be happy vicariously? Wait ... even to my somewhat addled brain that doesn't sound quite right.

A thunderous know on the door interrupted my thoughts. Jack smiled.

"That'll be Teal'c – took the girls long enough! I was starting to get really sentimental there!"

Girls? As in plural? Well, I guess Sam would want to have a wedding party, or at least a maid-of-honour, seeing as I apparently had Jack, Teal'c, and Ry'ac...

Jack swung open the door and Teal'c nodded his head.

"The guests have settled," Teal'c turned to me. "And your presence is now required, DanielJackson."

Jack looked at me. "Well, c'mon buddy-boy, your fans await!" He grabbed my shoulder and steered me towards Teal'c and the field beyond. I kept waiting for everyone to shout "Surprise!" and scare the bejeezus out of me, as a practical joke of this magnitude would require. Because this had to be a practical joke, a really, really elaborate joke ... but one look at Jack's face assured me that even if this was an exercise in futility, it sure as heck wasn't about to end yet. Crap.

We entered the area set for the ceremony. I looked around at the guests, nodding to those I recognised – including most of the SGC. Bra'tac sitting with Drey'ac, Skarra, Melosha, Sgt. Siler with his fiancé Maria, Dr. Warner, Nurses McGowen and Cleary, Catherine and Ernest, Nyan, Senator Cochrane, General Vidrine ... Jacob/Selmak ... Wait – shouldn't Jacob be escorting Sam???

My thoughts were drowned out by melodious music drifting from ... somewhere. I looked up to the sky and saw ... the O'Neill?

Righto, now that the Asgard are here I'm really starting to think this is not actually some kind of practical joke, since I am most definitely not _that_ important to involve other species in my ego-bruisings ... then again, since when was I important enough to warrant a multi-species wedding, either? Thor must have come to see Sam.

At that moment, movement at the trellis overhanging the foot of the aisle grabbed my attention. Through the archway stately marched Ry'ac, carefully carrying the pillow bearing what could only be the two rings, and escorting Cassandra, who was merrily throwing flower petals from a wicker basket. She looked up at me and beamed me a huge smile.

Whoa, she's growing up fast!

Then a taller, slim figure rounded the corner carrying a bouquet. Gorgeous ankle-length, shimmery deep blue dress, low cut yet still demure, bare arms, tiny white flowers in her done-up blonde hair, a silly yet serious smile on her face – Sam looked unbelievable.

Wow ... but wait, Sam's in blue. Looks amazing in blue -- really amazing ... but brides don't usually wear blue ... ergo, she's not my bride. Great! I mean, I love Sam, but more like a sister ... an apparently incredibly HOT sister, but ... okay, now I'm confused again. If it's not Sam I'm supposedly marrying, then who–

The music altered subtly as the next set of figures began to round the corner under the archway. General Hammond, looking all official in his dress blues, escorting a petite figure in white. As they began their journey up the aisle, I felt my jaw drop in time with the rising of the assembled guests. I couldn't move my eyes from her – recent visions of Sam were banished immediately and forever from my mind. An exquisite white dress, inlayed with hundreds of tiny pearls, which looked like it had be sewn onto her body, a delicate pearl choker around her neck, deep auburn hair swept up to hold her thin veil in place, with a few deliberately pulled and strategically placed curling tendrils framing the oh-so beautiful face that I now ached to see clearly – Janet. The aisle appeared to stretch for miles as I waited, impatiently, my mouth gone completely dry.

Janet? Of _course _Janet. How could I have ever contemplated anyone else? Nothing has _ever_ felt so ... right. It fits, and all is now right with the universe. Or it will be, if she ever gets up here ... beside me ... only me ... oh gods – if this turns out to be a damned joke, I'm killing everyone! Wait – no, killing means the pain stops – I of all people should know that! ... Ah, first I get my hands on a sarcophogus, and _then_ start killing everyone! Yes ... but to their credit, no one is shouting 'surprise' or 'gotcha' ... oh man, Janet has definitely got me ... Janet? And Me? Must be – looks like our wedding, sounds like our wedding, _feels_ like our ... why do I feel like quacking? Oh, I think my knees are about to give out ... she's smiling! At me! Smile back, idiot ... right, that would require picking my jaw back up from the floor ... Is this really real? If this is a dream, I don't want to _ever_ wake up.

They finally arrived at the head of the aisle. I started moving when Jack elbowed me in the back.

"Go get her, Tiger!" he whispered.

Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods!

General Hammond reached out and firmly grabbed my hand. "Congratulations, son," he said quietly, giving my hand a shake. I nodded, unable to rip my eyes away from Janet. Hammond chuckled and shook his head. Janet just smiled ... on the verge of laughter – I felt like a gawky teenager picking up his date for the prom, in absolute awe of his good fortune.

"Hi," she whispered.

I tried to respond, but my voice had deserted me. I finally managed to squeak out a dry "hi" in return, which caused that delectable smile to broaden even further. From behind me I heard a strange yet calming voice ask who was giving this woman (and what a woman!) to me (me? Me! All mine! Oh gods, don't faint now!!!) to be joined in holy matrimony (looks like a legit wedding, sounds like a legit wedding, feels like a legit wedding ... quack!)

General Hammond grinned. "That would be me, sir." He reached forward and lifted her veil, giving Janet two quick pecks on her cheeks. For some reason I felt incredibly jealous at that moment – at least until he placed her tiny yet oh so strong hands in mine, at which point all past transgressions were definitely forgiven and forgotten.

"Thanks," I managed to gasp.

Supreme amusement sparkled in her eyes as she leaned her head close to mine. "If this is what you are like now, I am going to be one very disappointed wife tonight," she whispered mischievously.

I find the strength to wink at her. "Many things you very well may be, but disappointed will _not_ be one of them," I whispered huskily back. I love the way her deep eyes widened in mock surprise.

"And exactly what kind of girl do you think I am?" she retorted, jokingly.

"If we can get through this damned ceremony, a married one!" Jack's voice loudly interjected. "Now get a move on, you two – we've got places to be, people to see, partying to get on to..."

Apparently neither of us had been whispering quite as quietly as we thought. The congregation of guests laughed, and we laughed as well. (This feels right, so right!)

Through the ceremony, I kept glancing surreptitiously at the vision to my left, waiting impatiently for it to be finally over and therefore official. Thor of the Asgard blessed us, Leia of the Nox blessed our union, Kasuf performed a traditional Abydonian bonding rite, High Councillor Tuplo made a speech for our peaceful and long-lived union, and all I could think about was that upcoming kiss. All weddings end in a kiss, right? Nothing else made an impression -- other than to heighten my anticipation of the upcoming ... all I could see was Janet's full lips, quirked in a smile. Finally it was announced – I could kiss my bride. My _bride_ ... _my_ bride ... _my_ bride -- I'll never get tired of hearing that!

Janet turned to face me and the rest of the galaxy faded away ... all the smiling faces of loved ones and colleagues, all the joy, happiness, and well-wishes that surrounded us ... all of it just slipped away as I brought my face closer to hers ... for an absolutely unbelievable, exquisite, mind-blowing, perfect first kiss.

"I love you Daniel," Janet whispered, our foreheads touching. She looked up at me.

"I love you more," I whispered back, never meaning any four words as much in my entire life.

She smiled again, the joy filling her deep dark eyes. I could fall into those eyes ... I've _got_ to keep making her smile just like that – for about the rest of her life! I drew her in for another sweet kiss.

I came back to reality to the sound of clapping. I smiled at my new bride, still not believing my good fortune. She smiled sweetly back at me. (Mine! Mine! Gods, this can't be a dream, please! Please! Please!!! Do _not_ let this be just a sweet dream...)

"Janet," I murmured.

"Yes Daniel?"

I leaned in closer. "Pinch me?"

She looked at me with a bemused expression on her face, and shaking her head, obliged my request.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed.

She smiled again, silently laughing at me, her gorgeous eyes sparkling. Gods, I _so_ have to keep her doing that!

"So, Mrs. Jackson, shall we meet our adoring fans?" I ask quietly.

We turned to walk again down the aisle, together, holding hands. I took a few steps forward, then felt Janet hold back behind me. I stumbled slightly due to the unexpected resistance, and looked down to my feet for a moment, trying to regain my balance.

Having assured myself that I was not going to fall down on my face at my own wedding, I looked up again. Instead of the laughing faces I expect to see however, something is different. I can't quite place this odd feeling ... suddenly it's colder, like a cloud has passed over the omnipresent sun. I look at the guests closer – everyone is the same, but they are dressed now in their uniform blues, and no one is smiling. I glance over where Sam was standing before, and she's now comforting a black-clad red-eyed tissue-toting Cassandra. Crying? But a wedding is a good thing, right? I'm feeling really confused again...

I look up to see what is blocking the sun, and see an institutional gray ceiling. Why do I get the feeling that I'm not in Kansas anymore? Suddenly I realize that I'm still holding something behind me, where Janet was just a second ago. A feeling of utter dread fills me as I slowly turn around. I don't want to turn (No!) but I can't stop myself. My mouth goes completely dry as my eyes follow my arm.

My hand, which should have been clasped with Janet's, was instead tightly gripping the lip of a box ... a smoothly polished mahogany box, about 5 ½ feet in length and 2 ½ feet in width, lined with a plush velvet of deep lavender. I _really_ don't want to, but I seemingly have no control over my own feet. I take a step towards the dreaded yet somehow elegant box which could be only one thing. quack....

"No..." I groan.

She looks like she's sleeping ... just sleeping. (Please wake up Janet, you have to be just sleeping.) I know what I'm seeing, but denial appeared to be the only viable option.

She looked so peaceful, perfectly at ease. I reach out to gently stroke her cheek, willing her to open her eyes, her beautifully deep chocolate eyes.

"Please open your eyes Janet – you can't leave now – you can't leave _me_!!!" I whisper fiercely.

As much as I stare at her prone form, I know rationally that I've managed to lose her, almost before I knew I had found her. I lean in for one last kiss, holding desperately to the vain hope that the scene will change again, to something better -- I stop myself from thinking that it couldn't get much worse, as I've learned before to not tempt the Fates lightly. Her lips were still soft and smooth, and I prayed against all odds to any deity who might hear me and spare a care in any reality for Janet, my newly-found love, to respond in any way ... but I know deep down that she won't. I lean back, silent tears tracking permanent grooves down my cheeks.

I sink to my knees, turning to sit on the floor with my back leaning against the wooden box, the image of its precious contents forever burned into my brain. The garish institutional lights are bright, too bright.

I shut my eyes, screwing them tight against intrusions from the outside world. A burning ache has settled in the base of my throat, taking up a newly permanent residence. Suddenly frustration blinded all reason, and I bang my head back against the cool wood.

"It's not fair!" I begin to shake between my less-than-silent sobs. "I just found you, and now you're gone!? I'm supposed to go first – you're the damn doctor! What happened to 'physician, heal thyself'? I've died so many times, and always come back – why can't you? It's NOT FAIR!!!" I bellow in desperation, banging my head again against the unforgiving reminder of the unfairness of life.

beepbeepbeep

(what the.. Who the hell brings a beeper to a funeral???)

I open my eyes slowly, carefully, ready to seriously maim whoever was inconsiderate enough to disturb my mourning. I realize quickly that I am no longer sitting on the cement floor of the SGC, banging my head on that damned box, but am instead sitting up in my bed, drenched in a cold sweat, the covers thrown wildly away, the sheets knotted around my legs, my head sore from knocking it against the brick wall above my headboard.

beepbeepbeep

I look to my right – the alarm clock is flashing at me. There is a wicked storm happening outside my window which had knocked out the power. I run my hand through my wet hair. (That was all just a dream? My gods, it felt so real!)

I lower my now throbbing head into my hands. That can't have been just a dream – there were so many details ... but logically ...

"Sounds like a dream, looked like a dream, felt damn real, but seems like a dream, so therefore is most likely a dream." I mutter to myself, still cradling my aching head.

I hear someone (something?) enter the room and pad over to my bed, and shortly a cool hand is pressed on my neck while another fights its way through my interlaced hands to my forehead. The imposing hands lift my head up. I'm now so thoroughly confused that I don't really care whose face is attached to those wonderfully smooth hands. (Janet?)

I look up, and can scarcely believe my eyes. Janet is holding my head, looking in her best concerned doctor face at me. I have no idea how she got into my home, let alone came to be in my bedroom, or came to be wearing one of my nightshirts for that matter, but then again, I really couldn't care less at that moment.

"You're alive?" I gasp.

She looks at me, both confused and bemused at the same time.

"Last time I checked, yeah. You, on the other hand, were evidently trying to give yourself another concussion. Why is it again that you insist on banging your head on the wall and shouting "not fair"?

Now I'm more confused, as if that was possible. "I'm sorry?"

"And you should be! That's the fourth night in a row Daniel, and you still won't tell me what you're dreaming about – I'm starting to think you just want an excuse to keep a certain doctor around!" She retorted.

I smiled. "Would that be such a bad ploy?" I ask coyly.

She smiled back at me as she began to climb into the bed. "I can think of a few less physically painful ways to keep me here." Janet cracked her eyebrows suggestively as she leaned in for a kiss.

"Oh please let this be real!" I exclaimed as we came up for much needed air. Janet just smiled again.

"Well, what's that saying you like about probability?" she asked as she began kissing me again.

"Looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, is probably a duck," I replied breathlessly.

Janet leaned back and looked at me. She shook her head and grinned mischievously.

"Quack."

I rolled my eyes. "Great," I exclaimed, "so now I'm in love with a duck!"

And then I ducked, as she threw a pillow at my miraculously-cured head.


End file.
